The Rising Phoenix Blog

by Genie

Pause > Rewind > Resume

If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?

There are so many shows and books I have not been able to finish over the past few years.

I used to be a bookworm, and I once proudly called myself a film lover. But with life constantly throwing things my way, work, bills, motherhood, and everything in between, it often feels like there is little time left for the things I genuinely enjoy.

Instead of watching TV, the TV is watching me. I am usually so exhausted that I barely make it through an episode. If I did not need sleep, I would spend that extra time rediscovering the parts of myself I had to put on pause. I want to get back to trying new things. Two years ago, I started taking tango classes, but I have not attended since. I try my best to get to the gym, but some days I simply do not have the energy or the time.

I wish I had more space to be present instead of constantly worrying about whether we will have a roof over our heads each month or food on the table. It has been stressful, and some days feel heavier than others. Maybe one day, I will be able to rewind to those forgotten passions and finally press resume.

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2 responses to “Pause > Rewind > Resume”

  1. S.C. Roberts Avatar
    S.C. Roberts

    Genie(?) I went through twenty years of that sense of the world binding me and disabling my ability to live freely, wholely. I’ve been a carer of one sort or another my whole life. I had my son at 19 and daughter at 22 and an alcoholic, non-present husband from day one of our marriage.

    When I was 45 my parents’s pleas for me care for them and my siblings’ reluctance to assist, my life disolved into a world soley of ‘nothing but the needs of others’. I live that life until 2014 and fled to Australia. The damnedest thing was I repeated the process for another eleven years.

    I don’t know your age, or circumstances beyond what you’ve conveyed here, but what I’ve come to understand is that the struggle and your sense of it echos around the world. But when we grab onto one thing we love to do, that fulfills an inner desire, we must hold tight and steal the hour or two, without guilt or reprecussion.

    Mine was hiking amd writing. Just knowing I would book off for that time and refused anyone’s needs, life changed dramatically. I changed. Here it is the closing of 2025, I’m a few months away from being 70, and I chose to move back to Canada. I still give of myself to those who need assitance, but life is now on my terms. If you want to read then read. If learning to tango is pressing on your heart then let it tango. I truly believe we, as women, are our own worst enemies. It’s not selfish to grow, its imperative for mental stability. Trade time for time with a friend or neighbour to accomplish a heart’s desire.

    I wish for you all the strength needed to make it through the holiday season. May 2026 be the year of saying hello to ourselves. Cheers.

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    1. Genie Avatar
      Genie

      Very well said! I’m in my late 20s. I’m currently a single mother, and it’s been a journey to navigate almost everything on my own. I say almost because I do have a village of people that are able to help at times, but of course it’s not all the time.

      I’m trying to balance giving myself time to do things for myself while giving my daughter everything she needs and wants. I agree that we are sometimes too hard on ourselves. I for sure know that I am.

      I hope you have a good start to the new year!

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